living with a meat eater

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Permalink Reply by Sara on November 19, 2007 at 7:24pm

well with me its hard, I try really hard not to get into discussions with my parents, brother or sister in law, they know where I stand and I dont want to get into it with them anymore, its pointless. But as far as mu husband goes, its really hard for me, its hhard to live with someone who at least once a week tries to get into a confrontation with me over my beliefs, and what he says really upsets me, and I get upset and I feel defensive and it usually ruins the entire day afterward.
I am obviously not doing the right thing, I shouldnt let it get to me so much, but with something so close to my heart, its heartbreaking that he wont bend at all, for example, he wont even try rice milk, and I refuse to buy milk, or any meat or eggs, but if he wants it, he has to buy it, and prepare it, I wont, and that is a major issue with us. He gets mad at me, and will complain that he has nothing to eat in the house etc.
So I am not the best person I guess to go to for advise, I am envious of the couples who agree on these very important issues and I find myself imagining what it would be like if one day he were vegan too for the same reasons...
my sister did order me a vegan feast from whole foods for thanksgiving, and I asked her to buy a free range turkey for herself and the rest of the family that will eat it (not mine except husband) and she did, so I guess its a step in the right direction, she says it tastes bad though, free range organic, its not as good and more expensive, who knows, I hate thanksgiving....at least she got me the vegan feast....

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Permalink Reply by NEESAN on November 20, 2007 at 11:41am

Hi Sara,
Dont give up,
I used to have arguments with my hubby, but he is slowly changing, At least he will now eat vegan meals with me, before he would just turn his nose up and go get a takeaway. And he has promised to try a nut roast dinner next sunday,
As for the rest well i just keep bombarding them with emails about factory farming etc, I know they mostly delete, but one or two just might take a look, and change their views on eating meat,
Have you seen Earthlings ? You can watch it on Google.
Take care,
Neesan x

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Permalink Reply by Miranda [TerraFire] on November 20, 2007 at 10:12pm

My fiance is a carnivore. No, not just a meat eater, a carnivore. I rarely see him eat anything besides hamburgers, hot dogs, ham sandwhiches, etc. He thinks my [or anyone else, for that matter] being vegan is "silly", "childish", and just plain stupid. He thinks food is food, the concept of vitamins is bullshit, and your health in terms of weight and diet rests on calories alone, not what you actually put in your body. He's something around 75-100 pounds overweight and emotional, tired, and sick all the time. He refuses to listen to me or my vegan brother about how his constant runny nose might [just maybe] be connected to his large intake of cheese and dairy. He doesn't care about animal cruelty in the least. I mean at all.

Sometimes when I realize this, it's really hard not to just end the relationship. But this is one of the only things we're not amazingly compatible about. And I used to share his views. On the one hand, I can understand his frustration that I've become an almost completely different person since becoming vegan. He's also really great about eating whatever I put in front of him, including mounds of veggies, although I wouldn't venture into making uber-vegan tofu dishes just because I don't want to risk wasting all that time cooking in case he won't eat it. I've tried phasing out the meat in his diet without letting him know by cooking everything for him, but he notices eventually and complains.

I'd give my left arm if he'd just go vegetarian. It's so frustrating to have to deal with it every day. It's most hard because I am very, very bad at explaining to people why I decided to become vegan. It's not because I don't know, or because I did it for frivolous reasons, but because I've done SO MUCH research and the reasons to be vegan are so overwhelming to me that I just never know where to start. I hate that he still doesn't get why I did this and doesn't believe me when I try to explain it to him. If he weren't horribly dyslexic I'd just make him read books.

The worst thing is that right when I went vegan, I promised him that it wouldn't impact his life. I would still cook meat for him, etc. And I was totally sure that it would be fine, but since being vegan for so long, I can't even stand to be in the same room with cooking meat. I can't stand to have it touch my hands. I can't even stand eating off the same plate it once was.

Okay I've just seriously, seriously depressed myself so unfortunately I have no good advice. I was going to try to come up with some, but obviously I'm in no position to do so. *sigh* I'm sorry...

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Permalink Reply by vegan gaz on December 4, 2007 at 7:54pm

you poor lass,
im in a house full of carnivores too.
its been two years since i became vegan(should have done it years ago)
it must be terrible for you, i once had deep feelings like you have towards the cooking,smell, or look of meat.
nowadays i tend to be more objective about situations (not sure if this is a good thing though) to make for an easier life.
i can now cook sausages, bacon, eggs for the family without feeling ill. and just think about the brave and strong souls who have to infiltrate some of the worst places on earth, slaughter houses,factory farms or even HLS for that matter just to get the truth out (must be awful)
so
head up girl
nothing stays the same for long :)
theres lots of people on your side.

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Permalink Reply by Sam on November 21, 2007 at 12:01am

Simple...I believe what i believe, and i dont press it onto others. So when someone tries to impose their opinion on me..i state in the nicest manner that i dont shove my opinion down their throat so shut the fuck up. hahaha

What i've learned is that a lot of the time people are just trying to have a conversation with you, and when someone is a vegan/vegetarian it's easy for people to try to spark up a conversation about it. Sometimes you get the occasional asshole who wants to tell you how it is, ignore them. Wouldn't want to talk to someone like that anyway.

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Permalink Reply by LaDonna on November 21, 2007 at 9:21am

My fiance is all for me being a vegetarian, but every once in a while ill catch him saying stuff like "you can eat fish, you can still eat chicken. and i'm like baby no its not gone happen. my parents today still have it in there mind that i eat meat. every time i go over to there house they hardly have any veggies with dinner. and when i am only eating veggies there like here why don't you eat some meat and i have to go through the whole discussion again. You will do fine its just something they will have to learn to deal with .... eventually they will hope this helps :)

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Permalink Reply by Karen on November 21, 2007 at 4:57pm

I'm the only vegetarian where I work and it is a challenge (after 3+ years) for them to wrap their heads around it. Our boss (best boss ever) takes us all out for dinner or lunch on a regular basis and it is difficult for them. For me? Put me in front of a good salad and I can graze away the afternoon. I've grown accustomed to my own cooking and find eating out does not agree with me. Too salty, too much fat, bacon in the green beans for crying out loud, even steamed veggies are cooked in some form of animal broth. I can tell. People seems to have forgotten that fish and chicken is in fact flesh and not on the menu for me too. LOL! So, I hear that a lot as well.

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Permalink Reply by Brett on November 21, 2007 at 3:14pm

Did you just become Vegan? I received the same treatment in my family for awhile, but once they saw I was serious, it subsided.

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Permalink Reply by NEESAN on November 21, 2007 at 4:11pm

HI Brett,
I became Vegan earlier this year, quite literally overnight, after watching "Earthlings "
In the beginning i had disbelief from everyone, but they now realise that theres no going back for me,
To be honest i really dont know how i ate meat for as long as i did, I can only be thankful that i eventually woke up to the reality of what eating meat actually is.
We had a party lunch in work today and one or two thought it funny to taunt me with their chicken drumsticks,but i just reminded them that they are not alone in enjoying eating dead flesh as maggots are quite partial to it also.lol I am learning albeit slowly on how to beat them at their own game, hee hee.

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Permalink Reply by Antoinette on November 21, 2007 at 8:58pm

i'm the only vegan in my family also. usual my mom is understanding but when ever anyone else/ company is over she makes stupid jokes and everyone trys to get me mad and start a debate. I'm prepared...before family functions i make sure i know my facts and stats.
i like cooking a vegan dish for holidays and family events but not tell people it's 100% vegan until after everyone raves about how good it is.
my brother is slowly giong veg and i think i will soon have my mom vegan but for now i'll just have to rough it out.

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Permalink Reply by grace2maine on November 22, 2007 at 10:37pm

I had a blow-up experience with my family the other day about the "ribbing" and it has eased up since. No one even said a word at Thanksgiving dinner tonight! What a shocker!! Anyway, I guess, just making it clear that you don't criticize their eating habits and you don't want them you criticize yours. That's what works for me. Also being able to have a sense of humor about it when necessary. :)

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Permalink Reply by Molly on November 23, 2007 at 4:30pm

I'm so tired of not being able to find a nice vegan boy to settle down with. I always seem to date meat eaters, and I do what I can to educate them. My mother supported me when I first went vegetarian ten years ago, and supported me through my transition to veganism, but she's a total carnivore. Last time I went home to see my family, I played Earthlings for my parents and it definitely had an effect on my mother. She was so disgusted by it that she didn't want to watch the whole thing, but she went back to eating meat as soon as I left. I feel like there's just no changing some people. You can't force your opinions down their throats, and you can't talk down to them, but you open their eyes to animal cruelty as much as you possibly can. Some catch on, some don't.

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